Getting closer to a new beginning

Hey ~

It`s really been forever since i wrote here but life is just about to go crazy, and me too, of course. I got through the half of my mature exam, so now i`m studying for the oral part. I`m quite proud of myself since my results came out well. :) I`m in Germany right now.

A lot of things happened to me since my last entry, which was about the first Vini day. >.< Well yeah, after that, I met Chingu again, on her farewell ceremony. I stayed there three days, and I met her family. I loved being there, they treated me as a family member, although that was the first time they saw me. I felt awkward a bit, because when I first meet someone, or more people, I can`t really give all myself right away. So they`re worried that I don`t enjoy my staying there. >< But that`s absolutely not true, i felt really happy, they could hate me, you know because I`m taking Chingu away from them soon. I don`t know how reliable did I seem in their eyes, but I`ll definitely do my best in the future. That was the first time we were together with Chingu this 'long'. I still don`t know how it`ll turn out when we`ll move together. I was surprisingly shy about doing things I usually do with my close friends, since I know she doesn`t really like these 'best friend things', and I really couldn`t decide which ones she likes and which ones she doesn`t. xddd So I must work hard on it, but i`m sure it`s only the question of time, since we didn`t spend that much time together. We went to a bookstore and I wanted to buy something, but only if that books is really worth the money. I haven`t found anything and it made me really disappointed. I felt I have no a special personality, because none of those books was good for me. Poor Chingu couldn`t do anything to me, I don`t know what happened then. It gave me a lot of dark thoughts what didn`t help me either. I think it`s really hard with me, because sometimes I get all gloomy and I don`t really know the reason behind it. But I got better and I really enjoyed the time I spent with her. I don`t know how she felt because she always mysteriously forgets to write anything about our meetings.

So... Til my dad came to take me home, I was at my grandma`s house. I love being there, but I think it`s only natural. :) I missed Germany a lot, I don`t know... the atmosphere here is just so calming. I don`t really want to write anything about my studies, since it`s the same, I can`t wait for it to end. I`m so exhausted from studying things I`m not interested in. Fortunately both me and Chingu don`t need to take oral math exam so we can say goodbye to this lovable subject forever. =-='

It`s getting warm. Summer is coming and I`m happy and not. It`s much better not to wear that much clothes but I don`t like being hot either. >< We already bought suntan oil because i don`t really want to get burned.

I realized that the half of this year already passed, and it scares me a bit. It was new year just now! Although I want the time to pass faster because I can`t wait for Chingu to move here. :3 Really hard times will start only then, but for now I only feel happy and excited about it. And anxious. A lot. I have a happiness stair which means, when I decide something, I get happy and excited. And then these feelings remain, but I start to get more and more anxious about the bad things may happen. Like when I decided to come home. At the end I felt a lot of pressure on myself and was afraid. Now it`s the same. We`re gonna move together and start a new life here. And it will be the REAL LIFE. I mean we will start to build our lives step-by-step. Of course, since we both are 20 years old. - ok she`s only 19 >< -

I think I`m a reliable person, or I hope so. I still can`t do a lot of things though, like cooking or talking about formal things at the school or something. When it comes to myself, I really don`t have that much confidence. I really trust my friends more than myself. So if they don`t trust themselves, I can give them some confidence. I think I become more careful when I`m responsible for somebody else. But taking care of my best friend doesn`t only include that I`ll make sure she won`t lost at an unknown place or will wake up in time, or she won`t come home alone in dark and stuffs like that. These are natural things I would always do for her, even if we fought or are having bad times. But giving that kind of support what helps her not to feel alone is not that easy. Or at least I don`t trust myself. Making her happy is the most important for me, and it`s not only because i`m that 'loving and warm-hearted friend', but because if I can`t make her happy, I would probably get hate myself. Since I`m not happy with myself at all, why would be she? I know it sounds stupid, but I think it`s the same with a lot of people. For example married couple, who are responsible for each other`s life or the parents who are responsible for their children`s life. I think they all feel these kind of anxiousness when they start to build up their new life. So I try to believe this will pass with time. Maybe I just could take it easy, since I always overreact every single thing. She isn`t a kid either, it`s not like everything depends on me >.< I just want to feel, that we are really each other`s other half. You know, that calming feeling, when you just feel relieved because that person is next to you, and even if you get worried, you just have to talk to that person to feel better and know that you`re not alone. In her case it`s harder than I thought though. T_T

Anyway, this entry is getting more and more emotional. xddd For now I only have to care about my oral exam and not to get melt away in this hot weather >_< And to do something with my headache, what is becoming daily. ._.

I`m quite sure this is not how I wanted to build up my entry, but I forgot how I wanted to, so...

Let me write a bit about FT Island because their 7th anniversary was on the 7th. (haha, really)

So they became 7 years old. It was maybe 4 years ago when I first met them in the After Love. It was love at first sight and even though their music now is different than back then, I`m falling in love with them more and more.

There is Hongki, who`s voice is as unbeatable as Tegoshi`s voice. Who`s a real asshole, but you cannot not love him from the bottom of your heart. Who`s really warm-hearted and sensitive and incredibly strong. Who`s an unmannered kid, can`t really eat nicely and lost his brain a long time ago. This person makes my best friend happy and sad at the same time. I`m gonna make sure that these two will get married :3

There is Jaejin who`s one of the kindest and warmest person I know. He has an angelic voice and a lovable smile. He`s Hongki`s other half on the stage when it comes to singing. He is our troll goat :3 ♥

There is our leader, Jonghoon. This guy most of the times is really awkward and... awkward. He`s really sensitive, and devoted, the mother of the group. I really admire him for his guitar and piano skills and I wish he sung more, because he has a beautiful, manly singing voice. ;w;

There`s our maknae, Minari. He is filled with peace and he has amazing drumming skills. And of course, he has as a beautiful voice, as leader. I don`t know, maybe because I`m a NEWS fan, but I want all the members to sing in every song, even though they`re not a pop band, and they`re built up total differently. >.< But seriously, you never can get enough of Minari`s voice ;.; He doesn`t talk a lot - well most of the times Hongki is talking since he doesn`t know the phrase of 'shut up' -, but he can be the biggest troll on the earth so be careful with him. :D

And then there`s one more member. Song freaking brainless but I still can`t stop loving him Seunghyun, alias Bob. I`m really proud of him. He joined to the group later and really had a hard time to find his place. I don`t know since when I love him, because when I met FT Island, the rapper wasn`t him, but Wonbin. So at first I didn`t like him, because he 'took away Wonbin`s place', but this last for two weeks maybe. >.< The first thing you can say about him is the fact of what a big dork he is. He is the optimistic power, who always smiles and fools around. He really worked hard and got better in singing, rapping and with his guitar skills. He looks pervert and 'woman-body-shape-maniac' but his heart is just as innocent as it was when he joined to the group. His smile never disappeared and this is one of the reasons why I love him. He means more to me than anybody in the idol`s world. Now he has an irreplaceable place in the band and he really deserve this place.


FT Island gave me a translator, who became my close friend, and now she is one of the most important people in my life. I can`t express how thankful I am to them, because they didn`t give up although they faced a lot and lot of hardships, sadness, and disappointments. They always feel in race with CN Blue because of the company and a lot of fans. They will be always and forever my bias band, next no NEWS. They struggled a lot, but it`s already their 7th years together, so Happy Anniversary, guys! I`ll always be a primadonna. ♥

I`m getting sleepy, so gonna end my entry here ~
Thank you for reading my really interesting blog. >.<