Liar words and sincere thoughts.

'I`m fine.
I`m sorry.
It was my fault.
You didn`t say anything wrong.
You weren`t mean.
Of course I`m not angry.
There is no reason to apologize.
I`m fine.'

We must tell lies to keep our relationships and to avoid arguments. I think, almost everyone feels this way. Even if we are sincere, we know it is better to just lie or keep our real feelings as secrets. Why? Because sincerity sometimes can be painful or something that people do not want to hear. And when we do not want to lose those persons who are precious to us, we are capable of lying or conceal our real feelings.
I think it`s cruel. You know you need that person but you also know that for the sake of your relationship, you must hold back some of your feelings so this thing between you two won`t fall apart. Because of this, you keep your feelings in yourself and remain happy but also, you wanna shout out the truth, that you are not sincerely happy, not deep inside, only on the surface what is, in fact, a passing thing. Because when you are alone, not distracted by anything, you start thinking. And then, you realize that it is not right. You do realize it. You realize that you are doing something good because your relationship is going well, but you also recognize yourself being completely desperate because things turned out this way and you are actually lying and the other person you are doing it for does not even realize how hard you are trying and fighting against yourself. They think it`s your natural self. Or that you are changing when in fact you are not, you are just trying to change. But if you just told these things honestly to the other person, it would go to waste. Because then you would look like somebody who`s fake-trying just to show off how much you care about your relationship and what a good person you are. Exactly that`s why, it is a lonely fight. You can only hope for the other person to realize your struggle.
I`m still wondering that this is a right thing to do or not. Is it worth doing? Why can`t just people selflessly understand each other`s feelings instead of keep repeating their own ones? You are keeping your feelings in yourself but what for? To feel unhappy in the soul?
In the end, you have to make your own happiness, you can`t lean on anyone for the sake of you being happy. Firstly, you must be happy with yourself and only after that you should look for somebody to be happy with.
I wasn`t able to make it come true in my case. Because I never was happy with myself, I have always been looking for somebody who I could find my happiness in.
I wonder if I would have found happiness on my own i would still be this struggling person I am now? Would I be happy and somebody who is not getting broken and hurt time to time? Who is really happy, in the soul, too?

Getting closer to a new beginning

Hey ~

It`s really been forever since i wrote here but life is just about to go crazy, and me too, of course. I got through the half of my mature exam, so now i`m studying for the oral part. I`m quite proud of myself since my results came out well. :) I`m in Germany right now.

A lot of things happened to me since my last entry, which was about the first Vini day. >.< Well yeah, after that, I met Chingu again, on her farewell ceremony. I stayed there three days, and I met her family. I loved being there, they treated me as a family member, although that was the first time they saw me. I felt awkward a bit, because when I first meet someone, or more people, I can`t really give all myself right away. So they`re worried that I don`t enjoy my staying there. >< But that`s absolutely not true, i felt really happy, they could hate me, you know because I`m taking Chingu away from them soon. I don`t know how reliable did I seem in their eyes, but I`ll definitely do my best in the future. That was the first time we were together with Chingu this 'long'. I still don`t know how it`ll turn out when we`ll move together. I was surprisingly shy about doing things I usually do with my close friends, since I know she doesn`t really like these 'best friend things', and I really couldn`t decide which ones she likes and which ones she doesn`t. xddd So I must work hard on it, but i`m sure it`s only the question of time, since we didn`t spend that much time together. We went to a bookstore and I wanted to buy something, but only if that books is really worth the money. I haven`t found anything and it made me really disappointed. I felt I have no a special personality, because none of those books was good for me. Poor Chingu couldn`t do anything to me, I don`t know what happened then. It gave me a lot of dark thoughts what didn`t help me either. I think it`s really hard with me, because sometimes I get all gloomy and I don`t really know the reason behind it. But I got better and I really enjoyed the time I spent with her. I don`t know how she felt because she always mysteriously forgets to write anything about our meetings.

So... Til my dad came to take me home, I was at my grandma`s house. I love being there, but I think it`s only natural. :) I missed Germany a lot, I don`t know... the atmosphere here is just so calming. I don`t really want to write anything about my studies, since it`s the same, I can`t wait for it to end. I`m so exhausted from studying things I`m not interested in. Fortunately both me and Chingu don`t need to take oral math exam so we can say goodbye to this lovable subject forever. =-='

It`s getting warm. Summer is coming and I`m happy and not. It`s much better not to wear that much clothes but I don`t like being hot either. >< We already bought suntan oil because i don`t really want to get burned.

I realized that the half of this year already passed, and it scares me a bit. It was new year just now! Although I want the time to pass faster because I can`t wait for Chingu to move here. :3 Really hard times will start only then, but for now I only feel happy and excited about it. And anxious. A lot. I have a happiness stair which means, when I decide something, I get happy and excited. And then these feelings remain, but I start to get more and more anxious about the bad things may happen. Like when I decided to come home. At the end I felt a lot of pressure on myself and was afraid. Now it`s the same. We`re gonna move together and start a new life here. And it will be the REAL LIFE. I mean we will start to build our lives step-by-step. Of course, since we both are 20 years old. - ok she`s only 19 >< -

I think I`m a reliable person, or I hope so. I still can`t do a lot of things though, like cooking or talking about formal things at the school or something. When it comes to myself, I really don`t have that much confidence. I really trust my friends more than myself. So if they don`t trust themselves, I can give them some confidence. I think I become more careful when I`m responsible for somebody else. But taking care of my best friend doesn`t only include that I`ll make sure she won`t lost at an unknown place or will wake up in time, or she won`t come home alone in dark and stuffs like that. These are natural things I would always do for her, even if we fought or are having bad times. But giving that kind of support what helps her not to feel alone is not that easy. Or at least I don`t trust myself. Making her happy is the most important for me, and it`s not only because i`m that 'loving and warm-hearted friend', but because if I can`t make her happy, I would probably get hate myself. Since I`m not happy with myself at all, why would be she? I know it sounds stupid, but I think it`s the same with a lot of people. For example married couple, who are responsible for each other`s life or the parents who are responsible for their children`s life. I think they all feel these kind of anxiousness when they start to build up their new life. So I try to believe this will pass with time. Maybe I just could take it easy, since I always overreact every single thing. She isn`t a kid either, it`s not like everything depends on me >.< I just want to feel, that we are really each other`s other half. You know, that calming feeling, when you just feel relieved because that person is next to you, and even if you get worried, you just have to talk to that person to feel better and know that you`re not alone. In her case it`s harder than I thought though. T_T

Anyway, this entry is getting more and more emotional. xddd For now I only have to care about my oral exam and not to get melt away in this hot weather >_< And to do something with my headache, what is becoming daily. ._.

I`m quite sure this is not how I wanted to build up my entry, but I forgot how I wanted to, so...

Let me write a bit about FT Island because their 7th anniversary was on the 7th. (haha, really)

So they became 7 years old. It was maybe 4 years ago when I first met them in the After Love. It was love at first sight and even though their music now is different than back then, I`m falling in love with them more and more.

There is Hongki, who`s voice is as unbeatable as Tegoshi`s voice. Who`s a real asshole, but you cannot not love him from the bottom of your heart. Who`s really warm-hearted and sensitive and incredibly strong. Who`s an unmannered kid, can`t really eat nicely and lost his brain a long time ago. This person makes my best friend happy and sad at the same time. I`m gonna make sure that these two will get married :3

There is Jaejin who`s one of the kindest and warmest person I know. He has an angelic voice and a lovable smile. He`s Hongki`s other half on the stage when it comes to singing. He is our troll goat :3 ♥

There is our leader, Jonghoon. This guy most of the times is really awkward and... awkward. He`s really sensitive, and devoted, the mother of the group. I really admire him for his guitar and piano skills and I wish he sung more, because he has a beautiful, manly singing voice. ;w;

There`s our maknae, Minari. He is filled with peace and he has amazing drumming skills. And of course, he has as a beautiful voice, as leader. I don`t know, maybe because I`m a NEWS fan, but I want all the members to sing in every song, even though they`re not a pop band, and they`re built up total differently. >.< But seriously, you never can get enough of Minari`s voice ;.; He doesn`t talk a lot - well most of the times Hongki is talking since he doesn`t know the phrase of 'shut up' -, but he can be the biggest troll on the earth so be careful with him. :D

And then there`s one more member. Song freaking brainless but I still can`t stop loving him Seunghyun, alias Bob. I`m really proud of him. He joined to the group later and really had a hard time to find his place. I don`t know since when I love him, because when I met FT Island, the rapper wasn`t him, but Wonbin. So at first I didn`t like him, because he 'took away Wonbin`s place', but this last for two weeks maybe. >.< The first thing you can say about him is the fact of what a big dork he is. He is the optimistic power, who always smiles and fools around. He really worked hard and got better in singing, rapping and with his guitar skills. He looks pervert and 'woman-body-shape-maniac' but his heart is just as innocent as it was when he joined to the group. His smile never disappeared and this is one of the reasons why I love him. He means more to me than anybody in the idol`s world. Now he has an irreplaceable place in the band and he really deserve this place.


FT Island gave me a translator, who became my close friend, and now she is one of the most important people in my life. I can`t express how thankful I am to them, because they didn`t give up although they faced a lot and lot of hardships, sadness, and disappointments. They always feel in race with CN Blue because of the company and a lot of fans. They will be always and forever my bias band, next no NEWS. They struggled a lot, but it`s already their 7th years together, so Happy Anniversary, guys! I`ll always be a primadonna. ♥

I`m getting sleepy, so gonna end my entry here ~
Thank you for reading my really interesting blog. >.<

the first Vini day :))

Annyeong ~

Nos, hol is kezdjem. Először is... omg de furcsa magyarul írnom. ._.
Mindegy, hűen a bejegyzés címéhez, rátérek életem első Vini napjára.

Azt hiszem, április 5. egy igencsak fontos dátum lesz számomra ezentúl, hiszen akkor találkoztam személyesen a legjobb barátnőmmel. Így talán már két ünnepi Vini napot is tartunk. >.<
Eredetileg az első Vini napunk egyébként Chingu ballagásán lett volna, 30-án, de szerencsére ez előrébb került.
4-én Chingu benyögte, hogy talán elalszik reggel és nem éri el a buszt, aminek felettébb örültem, tekintve, hogy én attól tartottam, aludni sem tudok majd az izgalomtól, de végül én aludtam tovább és ő kelt fel korán. xd Reggel hatkor kimásztam az ágyból, hogy aztán szinte az utolsó pillanatig készülődjek, mert természetesen nem tetszett magamon az előző este kipakolt göncöm, ami fekete csőnadrág volt fehér blúzzal és az egyik nyakkendőmmel. Nem tudtam megkötni a nyakkendőm, a másikhoz pedig nem volt kedvem, azok nélkül meg úgy néztem ki, mint aki egy iskolai ünnepségre készült volna. Szóval gyorsan váltottam egy piros spagettipántos felsőre és rá egy vékony kék dzsekire, majd Nee-channak is átadtam a fürdőszobát, ha már a fél reggelt ott töltöttem. :'D Nyugodt szívvel felvettem a magasított sarkú sportcipőmet, mert nem félek Chingutól, és egyébként is fel akartam már húzni.
Szóval eljutottunk a Népligethez, ahol Nee-chan ment tovább dolgozni, én pedig a buszpályaudvaron vártam Chingut. Közben megkerestem a mosdót, ahol a pénzes néni olyan kedvesen szólt hozzám, mert nem vettem észre, hogy fizetni kell, hogy legszívesebben a fejére borítottam volna a felmosóvödröt. Megkérdezte tőlem, hogy 'aranyom, nem látta, hogy fizetni kell?' és hát mondtam neki, hogy nem, mondjuk meghaltak volna, ha véletlen nem fizetem ki a 120 fötöt, és egyébként szerencséjük volt, hogy egyáltalán volt nálam apró. Mindig is hülységnek tartottam a fizetős vécéket.
Na de haladjunk tovább. Chingu megjött és megírta, hogy hol vár, majd a keresésére indultam és már

messziről megismertem. :3 És tudjátok... vagyis nem tudom, mennyire tudjátok. Van az az érzés, hogy elképesztően hosszú időt vársz arra, hogy találkozz egy bizonyos személlyel. Ez lehet akkor is, amikor már találkoztatok előtte, vagy amikor most találkoztok először. Az érzés szerintem hasonló. És akkor az a személy ott van előtted, és akivel eddig csak interneten keresztül, webcamon beszéltél, hirtelen emberi alakot ölt. Ez az érzés felbecsülhetetlen. Meg tudtam ölelni őt és nem csak annyit írni, hogy *megöleli*. És mivel ő a legjobb barátnőm, ez már mondhatni egy valóra vált álom volt. Vagyis nem csak mondhatni, hanem tényleg. A találkozást már időtlen idők óta tervezgettük. Mindig máshogy képzeltük el, volt hogy teljesen elképzelhetetlennek láttuk a találkozásunk a közeljövőben, ezért Chingu azt mondogatta, hogy majd kimegy Amerikába. Ez nem történt meg természetesen, de ennyi idő után elgondolkozik rajta az ember, hogy egyetlen találkozás nélkül mi tarthat ennyire össze egy barátságot, hogy inkább vállaljuk az online, mondhatni személytelen kapcsolatot, mint azt, hogy egy olyan személyt keresünk, aki ott van mellettünk, fizikailag is. És ilyenkor rájössz, hogy mennyire megérte az egész, mert tényleg megtörtént.
Na de a lelkizést nem most akartam. >.<
Szóval megjött Chingu, és a metróval elmentünk a Westend-hez, hogy aztán ott töltsük a napot. Én kétségbeesetten kutattam valami iható dolog után, amiért képes voltam bejárni a fél plázát, mert nem akartam a legdrágább narancslét inni. Közben ráleltünk egy üzletre, ami New York-ban a kedvencem volt, szóval

oda beráncigáltam Chingut és körülnéztünk. Vett nekem egy karkötőt. Jobban mondva egy best friend karkötő, vagyis couple. :3 Aztán közösen vettünk fülbevalókat, mert akció volt. Bementünk a Libri-be is, ahol megvette nekem Leiner Laura legújabb kötetét, az Akkor szakítsunk-ot. *-*
Ezután tényleg kerestünk egy helyet, ahol végre ihatok és természetesen kifogtam azt, ahol 800 fötöt fizettem egy pohár narancsléért, merthát én is egy olyan helyre megyek, ahol nuku árak és az a hely valami bár volt. De mindegy. Miután majdnem kiöntöttem az aranyárú narancslevem, leültünk és Chingu odaadta nekem az ajándékaim. Mert ő még hozott, gondolom, fél vagyonát rám költötte és én még könyvet vetettem vele. ._.
Szóval kaptam tőle egy Eiffel-tornyos nyakláncot, egy Halál ereklyéi szimbólum nyakláncot és egy Párizs mintázatú telefontokot. :3 Miután a nyakamba aggattam mindent, és láttuk hogy a halál ereklyés nyaklánc hosszú, leszedettem Chinguval a bigyuszt, amibe bele kell akasztani a csatot vagy mit, hogy tegye át máshova, ezt háromszor eljátsszattam vele, míg végül a bigyusz ugyanoda került vissza, ahol eredetileg is volt. xD *genius Hobak* Miután kijátszottuk magunkat az asztalnál, kisebb szemétdombot alkotva, összepakoltunk és a mozi felé vettük az irányt, miközben komótosan szétnéztünk.

Kiderült, hogy Chingu nincs jóban a mozgólépcsőkkel, szóval azt hiszem, mostantól szokásommá válik folyton hátranézni, hogy nem esik-e hasra, ha rálép. >< Ha jól emlékszem, a mozit még könnyen megtaláltuk. Vettünk jegyet a Noé-ra, a 2:20-as vetítésre, majd Chingu azt mondta, éhes, ezért gondoltuk, beülünk rámenezni. Haha... Fél órát kóvályogtunk a plázában, mert miért is találtuk volna meg elsőre az éttermet... Pedig én még direkt megnéztem előtte meg minden. Le-fel, jobbra-balra szaladgáltunk, mire sikerült
megtalálunk. ._. Nekem már mondjuk akkor fájt a lábam >_< Az étterembe érve, tétován megálltunk, mert nem tudtuk, hogy az most a kávézó vagy a rámenes része és egy pincér kisegített, hogy az egyben van. Rendeltünk mindketten egy-egy csirkés ráment és míg vártunk, Chingu kielemezte, hogy a minket kiszolgáló pincér nem helyesen szolgál fel, vagy nemtudom, valami baja volt vele, szóval elvoltunk. A rámen... finom volt ugyan, de ez ízlett a legkevésbé az összes közül, amit eddig ettem, ráadásul az adaghoz képest meglehetősen drága volt, de attól függetlenül jól esett. :3 Rámenezés után felmentünk a tetőre, hogy csináljunk néhány képet. Ez egy külön szertartás számomra, amely mindig 70 százalék röhögésből, 20 százalék találgatásból, hogy milyen fejet vágjunk a képen és 10 százalék tényleges fényképezkedésről szól, amikor meg is vagyunk elégedve az eredménnyel. Mivel kedves barátnőm képtelen mosolyogni, ő eldöntötte, hogy idióta fejeket vág, én pedig hülyén néztem volna ki mellette, ha végigandalgom az összes képet, szóval kénytelen volna utánozni őt. Egyébként egész jól haladtunk, közben csak párszor vertük meg egymást. :) Engem mondjuk idegesített, hogy Chingu mellett akkorának tűnt a

fejem, mint egy hordó, ezért próbáltam minél hátrébb húzódni a padon. Kedvenc Vini párbeszédem:

Me: Csináljunk olyat, ahol látszik a magasságkülönbség!
Chingu igazán kedves pillantással ajándékozott meg.
Me: De én szeretem az olyan képeket! Látszódik a különbség!
Chingu: Akkor a melleinket is lefényképezzük?

Áucs. Értem én, na, de ő akkor is olyan aranyos, hogy ilyen alacsony, viszont az én deszkaságom senkit nem tesz boldoggá. ._.
Hobbitom elképesztően csinos volt, így nem úszta meg a szólóképeket sem. *-* Ezzel meglehetősen elment az idő, szóval bementünk, hogy vegyünk popcorn-t. Beálltunk a sorba, majd egy kiscsaj elkezdett balhézni a barátjának, hogy mi beálltunk eléjük, pedig nem, csak egy kicsit félreléptünk, hogy megnézzük a pulton lévő árlistát. Szóval mi már előbb ott voltunk, aranyom. Mondjuk nem nekünk fakadt ki, csupán olyan hangosan beszélt, hogy nyilvánvalóan azt várta, hogy megfordulunk, és majd jól kikérjük magunknak a dolgot. Hát nem így tettünk. :D Beültünk a terembe, majd én azonnal kiborítottam a popcornt, mert miért ne, szóval annak ott

biztosan nagyon örültek a takarítók. :D A film mondhatni jó volt, olyan egyszer nézhető. Mozizás után leültünk fagyizni. Vagyis a leülést fél óra ismételt kóválygás előzte meg, mert nem találtuk meg a tetőt, miután megvettük a fagyit. XD Így lemondtunk a tetőről, és inkább visszasétáltunk a fagyizóhoz. >.< Fagyizás után megtaláltuk a tetőt természetesen, szóval még kiültünk egy kicsit, míg le nem hűlt a levegő, és aztán még körbejártuk a plázát, mert Chingu meg akarta keresni a Primadonna nevű üzletet, amit korábban látott. Megtaláltuk, de három percnél nem tartózkodtunk bent tovább, mert az árak sehol sem mentek 15.000 fötö alá, így gondoltuk, oda legközelebb majd Hongkiékkal megyünk. >.< Ezután még beültünk egy kávézóba és rendeltünk. 




Ezután elindultunk vissza a metróhoz, amit persze nem találtunk meg azonnal. Említettem már, hogy egyikünk sem tud tájékozódni? Emelett Chingu még a táblákat sem olvassa/keresi, így nekem kellett hunyorognom, mert természetesen nem volt nálam a szemüvegem. 

A buszra várakozva még beszélgettünk egy kicsit, majd elbúcsúztunk egymástól, és én neki is estem a könyvnek, míg Nee-chan meg nem érkezett.

Mikor hazaértem, hulla fáradtan, sajgó lábakkal, csak leültem az ágyra, és miután benyomtam a gépem, egy ideig magam elé bámulva dolgoztam fel a napot. Vajon ezzel mindenki más is így van? Nem úgy értem haza, hogy 'na, ez is megtörtént', hanem 'jézusom, tényleg megtörtént!' és a legboldogabb embernek éreztem magam. A nap folyamán agyonnyúztam Chingut. Megölelhettem, amikor csak akartam, rugdoshattuk egymást, meg minden. Legszívesebben le sem szálltam volna róla, de komolyan. Kimondhatatlanul szeretem a legjobb barátnőmet, és ebben csak még biztosabb lettem a találkozásunk után. Nem érdekel, ha nem szólunk egymáshoz egy órán át, mert nekem ez is természetesen jön. Aztán pedig hirtelen dől belőlünk a szó. Ez mindig is így volt, és ezen a találkozásunk napján sem változtattunk. Semmi erőltetett dolog és semmi távolságtartás. Nem éreztem feszélyezve magam, egyetlen pillanatra sem, akkor sem, ha éppen kiröhögtettem magam a bénázásommal. Én csak... rájöttem, mennyire vágytam erre az egészre. Hogy ott legyen mellettem a másik felem. És büszke vagyok magunkra, amiért majdnem három évig kibírtuk az online kapcsolatot, különben ezt most nem éltük volna át. És most nem várnám százszor annyira az együttélésünk, mint találkozásunk előtt. 

A legjobb születésnapi ajándékom pedig a levele volt, amit nagyon rafinált módon elrejtett az atlaszba, amit kölcsönkértem tőle. Komolyan, pont ma, a születésnapomon nyitottam ki és találtam meg. >.< 

Most, hogy kellően kicsöpögtem magam egy évszázadra elegendően, megyek és lefekszem. >.<

Bye bye ♥

Goodbye America, hello Germany!

This title is actually too late, but I didn`t have time for a proper blog post. So hey, I`m in Germany already and now I thought of writing about my past days.

On the 23th.

My plane took off at 9:10 pm and it arrived in Munich at 10 am on the 24th. The flight time was around 6 hours so it`s not that bad. But my bones started to hurt and it didn`t cease, so I was quite suffering on the whole way. I couldn`t sleep, but I was too tired to watch a movie or something although the plane was quite luxury. I mean, mini TV in every seat, and usb port, charger for the laptops but it was way too uncomfortable through 6 hours. I don`t really like flying but I got used to it and I survived! Well, me and Chingu will have to endure a 16 hours long flight to Korea one day. :') So I got off the plane and went to pick up my baggage. I haven`t mentioned it. My suits needed three people to take to the airport - me, mom and my bro -. But since I arrived alone, I had to pick them all up alone. Gosh... I brought a big suitcase, a smaller one, a sport bag and a backpack. I get so sweaty the time I got out to the waiting area. Then I found my dad. ♥ He bought me a sandwich at the airport, and when he talked to the lady and said 'mit chicken' I repeated him - `cause i can`t speak German - to look like i`m studying. The lady was smiling a lot watching me. :'D We dashed home. Literally because my dad drives like a crazy. xd On the way home I already fall in love with Germany. German people build house everywhere! Like, they find a spot on the top of the mountain or a hill and they start building. They live along with the nature. Germany is a beautiful place, the people are amazingly clean. You can`t throw anything on the street, because then you have to pay fine for it. 

On the first day here, I just took a rest and things. But since the time I`m here my dad takes me somewhere on every single day. >< We went to Erding, Dorfen and they are beautiful towns.

A few picture of the small villages we went through.

- Germany villages can contain only 2 or 3 houses and then they already give them names and build churches in them. -

Somehow i made my photos disappear so i can`t 

show you the pictures what i took of this village we live in. ._.

The day before yesterday we went to Erding. That is the most beautiful town I`ve ever seen! Every house has different color, it`s clean, friendly, like in a fairytail. 

 

 

Ok, i don`t really know now that it was the day before yesterday, or before that day. ._.

Anyway, we went to the airport in Munich to buy my train ticket for Monday. This airport is amazing! It`s enormous and beautiful!

Yesterday my dad`s friend came over, he just calls him 'hobbit'. xd He spent the day here, and we went to Erding again to buy some clothes for me. There is an incredible fashion shop there! I couldn`t even imagine how big is it! It has 4 levels i think and it`s wide! I barely could find the clothes I needed. Moreover my dad sent me in alone because you know, boys can`t endure it. xD So I spent 1 hour in there looking for what I need. In the end I found it. They have really expensive and cheap stuffs too but that store will be definitely our fave place with Chingu, of course, Erding too! I`ve fallen in love with that city so much!

The store:

 

And today! OMG. Today... I got my new camera! Holy shit! It`s a Nikon, not a too expensive model. Okay it`s not expensive HERE... So dad bought me for my birthday what`s in April. :3
Look at this beauty ♥♥

I`m really thankful for my dad, because we needs to spare money for our new apartment, but he still bought me this. I`ll cherish it. He said, for now he`ll buy me a cheaper one and when I`ll start the photographer school here, he`ll buy me a professional, very expensive one, or he will help me in money to buy it. I`m happy so much for it because this camera is amazing and amazing. It can do anything I need now. Since I`m not a photographer yet, I couldn`t use something bigger and more serious one. 

Oh wait.

I left out something.

I haven`t mentioned about my plan change. 

So... We decided - me and Chingu - not to study in Hungary. Because, you know she doesn`t want to go to university either, so we started to think about an other option. For me it was easy to decide what I want to do, and it`s photography. But for her it was harder, but in the end she decided to study journalism. We started to look for a school in Hungary and for me it was quite easy to find one, but for her... we seriously couldn`t find anything! We were in trouble. And we`re worried about the money too, because pays are not too good in Hungary and apartments can be expensive. Meanwhile we started to talk about it with my dad too and he said we should go out to Germany and study the language, after that going to school. Here are jobs for us with a good pay and we can pay the apartment too. So what we decided is: after finishing high school, we`ll move in a bigger apartment and start to attend to an international school where we can study German language, and we can work too. So I`ll live with my best friend anyway, that hasn`t changed, I didn`t want it to change, because then I would lost all my willpower to come home. 

My feelings...

It was bad on the last day at home, I continuously wanted to cry. But since I`m here I feel good, and I think my brother is fine also. Or I hope so. I still think I made a good decision. Although on the end of my days in America I was panicked a little bit and started to think that I`m making a mistake and my life won`t turn out as I planned or it won`t turn out well at all. But I realized it`s too late to change my mind so I`ll just go forward and do what I planned with my best friend. I want to make sure she`s always on my side because it`s the biggest power what can give me confidence and strength. I might be pushy or selfish, I know it well, and sometimes I feel like I`m the one who pulls apart her from her family. That`s why I want to give her everything I can and make her sure she`ll have a good life and her family won`t have to be worried about her.:)

So that`s it about my days aaand... tomorrow we`re going to Garmisch Partenkirchen. You can google it. >< Anyway I`m really excited because it`s apparently a beautiful place and I can try my shige-camera. :3

Now I need to go to sleep.

Bye ~ :3

my special `bias` list

Hey!

I`m kinda idiot to write now because it`s past 1 am but I just felt like it. :D

Recently I thought of making a bias list, but every time I wanna do it, I realize that maybe I couldn`t make a list even within NEWS so it`s quit impossible but now I thought maybe I`ll give it a try because I never did it before. So it`s kinda improvised and everything and maybe others do it in a different way but I must separate them at least into two group - Korea and Japan - because otherwise it`d be nonsense. ><

Korean Ultimate bias: Song Seunghyun. Well it`s not really surprising isn`t it? xd 

his stupid everything
he`s forming his heart in a pretty loser way, look at his thumbs.
but i love him ♥

Japanese ultimate bias: Kato Shigeaki. This was natural also. ><

he is indeed weird but he is surely smarter than the person above.
my inspiraton♥

AND. - drumbeats -

I haven`t planned to have a third ultimate bias. Really. So I actually have two Korean ultimate biases and one Japanese. But to make it clear, Bob is my ultimate ultimate bias and Jongsuk is the ultimate. 

Lee Jongsuk. He is weird. Like, the weirdest person I`ve ever known.
You can`t not to love him. Because he is weird.

So let`s continue with Japan.

on the 1st place. - because ultimate is ultimate and 1st is 1st okay xd -

Koyama Keiichiro. my secret crush in NEWS.

just look at him. the man of men. 

The 2nd is probably Tegoshi, I mean he popped into my mind right away

just don`t tell him okay, i don`t want to make him more egoist than he`s now

The 3rd is Massu of course, but let`s say he is the 2nd and half or i`ll cry

the only one who will always be adorable

The 4th: Nakayama Yuma

he`s somebody i adore and whose
acting and voice I totally love

The 5th: YamaPi

because everything started with him :))

And I think that`s it for Japan. These are the idols I truly love. I know more Japanese idol, actor of course. :))

Let`s see Korea.

On the 1st place: Lee Hongki. 

my first Korean bias.
not to mention his hip moves.
oh and he`s got a voice. it`s pretty good.
nobody can beat him in singing except Tegoshi Yuya.
they`re forever rival even though maybe they don`t even know about
each other`s existence.

The 2nd: Han Seungyun - the problems come now because i don`t know how to continue ._. -

this handsome guy has one of the most beautiful voice i`ve ever heard.
and he`s shy. and i`m pretty sure he`s quite unreasonable sometimes.
and his high notes.

Umm......

The 3rd: Kim Woobin.

look at that stupid smile on his stupid face... gah...
btw he is Jongsuk`s best friend so he is my friend also

The 4th: Lee Jaejin.

I`m not sure in it tho. him or Woobin...
Woobin or him...
we can`t be friends if you don`t like him.

The 5th: Lee Minho.

a chubby faced guy who btw has amazing acting skills.
and his eyes.
and his stupid smile.
you can`t see any of them on this picture tho.
so just imagine it :D

The 6th: Choi Minwhan.

little makne.
my fave drummer forever.
i wish he sung more.
i love his secretly troll personality.

The 7th: Shin Taeho.

his freaking eyes and his freaking husky voice.
i wish he sung more, like really.
i want a Shin Taeho solo naega network, why don`t you understand it

The 8th: Sam Carter.

my second favorite leader.
i respect him.

The 9th: Choi Jonghoon.

leader with an awkward personality.
he can`t take the responsibility for his mistakes.
Hongki will beat him up once.
somebody who is laughing a lot and he`s laughing so loud.

The 10th: Jang Geun Suk.

not sure again if him or leader but idc.
because he`s the first korean actor i got to love.
he`s everybody`s fave.
he`s like a pet, you can`t not to love him.

I think I`m done but in the end they are not only my biases or idk what is biaslist made of but I made something at least. >.<

And I wanted to write more, but maybe next time, because it`s almost 3 o`clock.(!!)

I`ve been making this stupid list for almost 2 hours! 

How other people have time for this? o.o

My brother is sleeping. He never goes to sleep before me. I feel like miracles exist.

Then i gotta go ~

Thanks for reading this meaningful entry! :'3