Liar words and sincere thoughts.

'I`m fine.
I`m sorry.
It was my fault.
You didn`t say anything wrong.
You weren`t mean.
Of course I`m not angry.
There is no reason to apologize.
I`m fine.'

We must tell lies to keep our relationships and to avoid arguments. I think, almost everyone feels this way. Even if we are sincere, we know it is better to just lie or keep our real feelings as secrets. Why? Because sincerity sometimes can be painful or something that people do not want to hear. And when we do not want to lose those persons who are precious to us, we are capable of lying or conceal our real feelings.
I think it`s cruel. You know you need that person but you also know that for the sake of your relationship, you must hold back some of your feelings so this thing between you two won`t fall apart. Because of this, you keep your feelings in yourself and remain happy but also, you wanna shout out the truth, that you are not sincerely happy, not deep inside, only on the surface what is, in fact, a passing thing. Because when you are alone, not distracted by anything, you start thinking. And then, you realize that it is not right. You do realize it. You realize that you are doing something good because your relationship is going well, but you also recognize yourself being completely desperate because things turned out this way and you are actually lying and the other person you are doing it for does not even realize how hard you are trying and fighting against yourself. They think it`s your natural self. Or that you are changing when in fact you are not, you are just trying to change. But if you just told these things honestly to the other person, it would go to waste. Because then you would look like somebody who`s fake-trying just to show off how much you care about your relationship and what a good person you are. Exactly that`s why, it is a lonely fight. You can only hope for the other person to realize your struggle.
I`m still wondering that this is a right thing to do or not. Is it worth doing? Why can`t just people selflessly understand each other`s feelings instead of keep repeating their own ones? You are keeping your feelings in yourself but what for? To feel unhappy in the soul?
In the end, you have to make your own happiness, you can`t lean on anyone for the sake of you being happy. Firstly, you must be happy with yourself and only after that you should look for somebody to be happy with.
I wasn`t able to make it come true in my case. Because I never was happy with myself, I have always been looking for somebody who I could find my happiness in.
I wonder if I would have found happiness on my own i would still be this struggling person I am now? Would I be happy and somebody who is not getting broken and hurt time to time? Who is really happy, in the soul, too?